Get to know the real me...
By Yana Ducreay
Hey, my loves,
Thank you for holding space for me & welcome to my personal blog “Anay expressions.”
I think I embody the definiton “secretive” never revealing my truth, instead, bottling its validity. And for what, really?
Anyway. I’m writing this first-ever blog to open myself up to you, letting you know who & what I truly am.
So here goes—my name’s Yana. I am a writer and a creative at heart.
I love to sing, I love to dance, and I most definitely love to paint—though I must say, I don’t find I am really good at it, others say otherwise.
Others may see me as this confident go-getter who conquers everything life throws at her. Still, if I’m being honest, I get up every day and wing it.
Doing my best to work at my goals and hoping that shit eventually works out in my favor.
Life is lifeing, my loves (yes, that’s my made-up word, lol), and every day, I pray that it doesn’t blow up in my face.
I battle with lymphedema, anxiety, high functioning depression, and crippling body dysmorphia that sometimes limits my ability to get out of the house, and function as a normal human being.
Many people don’t realize how bad my high-functioning depression and body dysmorphia is, so I guess I carry it well.
I love exploring new places that are not crowded buuutttt would much rather stay home and watch the office in my pajamas, with a tub of strawberry ice cream and led lights in the background.
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I am an avid overthinker, and most of the time, I self-sabotage—you know, being the control freak, perfectionist I am.
I fear things won’t work out how I want them to, and if they don’t, I will get judged for it.
I am overly sensitive and feel everything so deeply. I believe it is indeed my blessing and my curse to feel so deeply.
When I am high, I feel it deeply & when I’m low, oh boy, do I feel those low emotions. In all, it is the foundation of my creativity.
It’s weird because most of the time, I have so many great ideas that I want to manifest, but I get this crippling fear like it will never work out.
But here’s the thing too. Though I feel that way, though my depression and dysmorphia try to force me into the deepest, darkest abyss with walls of comfortability, I always try to step by faith and execute my creativity amidst fear.
It would be much appreciated if you would give a donation of any amount for the monthly maintenance & upkeep of my blog. It would be greatly appreciated! Peace & love.
Hence the birthing of this blog. I loved the idea of having a platform to journal my self-expression & growth.
I love the idea of speaking about my demons, hoping others may feel like they’re not alone as I usually feel in this huge world.
No, I am not perfect; I mean, nobody is, right? So, this blog is my personal journal of growth– its beautifully chaotic filth.
Hopefully, my digital journal will be a place where you feel at home, & comfortable enough to be yourself & hopefully learn to live authentically.
My goal is to hope that everything I say here, and everything I do here, will be an act of love that you can feel—the kind of love I want to feel when I feel lost.
All my love
Anay
